The Fort of India – Newton-le-Willows

Pretty good...

We are back after a pandemic that nearly closed the congress for good, numerous setbacks, illnesses and ailments. We have the biggest, most in depth review of the century to share with you.

Parking was a bit of an issue with the high street being rather busy on a Friday evening so the limited spots available were all taken and then the streets immediately off the high street are residential so they were lined back to back with vehicles. So just something to consider when arriving in time for a reservation to expect a bit of walk from an available space.

Hidden above a launderette on Newton Le Willows high street, The Fort of India is the most well defended curry house in the north west. Whether the placement next to the laundrette was accidental for the subliminal messages of where to have your underpants cleaned the morning after is something of a conspiracy theory we are willing to spread.

A siege once lasted over nine months here and the attackers were left without a single naan at the end. The battle would rage on through the nights with distant neighbours complaining of the repetitive sounds of POP POP POP POPPADOM firing from the muskets.

As the fort is on the top floor of the high street, it is accessed from a little door to the side of the launderette, which ascends into the restaurant up a set of stairs. Whilst this would look more like the entrance way to a gentlemen’s after midnight club, we can assure you there was certainly curry upstairs and the sticky floors were definitely tikka based.

Once inside we were greeted by a fellow asking for out reservation, though it may be possible to eat here without one. Whilst we are a large party so we always book ahead, there were tables available for parties up to 6 for walk-ins.

Once seated we proceeded to order drinks to await the rest of the congress. One major thing to note is that this fortress is “Bring Your Own Beer” – “BYOB”, so be warned if you forget this. There are plenty of beer merchants along the high street should you like to purchase before your arrival.

After a short wait the rest of the congress arrived and the meeting could commence.

We were provided with a generous portions of dips, that contained the usual suspects you’d come to welcome with your poppadum’s – though the dips were on the table before they were ordered so uncertainty about their freshness or their use if we didn’t order poppadum’s was brought into question :

Although there was no gren available, the rest of the dips were delicious and provided an ample distraction to the youngest members of the congress along with the poppadum’s.

We proceeded to order a selection of starter items, most of which were onion bhaji. These were excellent and very crunchy. These were served with a side salad and a lemon slice. The tandoori mix starter consisted of pieces of Lamb and Chicken Tikka, a tandoori chicken leg and a seekh kebab. The chicken tikka piece was very standard with the Lamb and kebab unfortunately letting the rest of the place down with both being rather dry and the Lamb tough. Again this was served with a side of greenery.

After this was cleared away, the main dishes arrived. As usual a lot of the congress ordered the chicken tikka masala.

This is a test to determine consistency between curry houses as this dish can vary quite a lot.

The tikka masala was ok – a common comment that was made was that it wasn’t quite what you’d expect from a tikka masala, it lacked the sweetness and some depth but overall was serviceable and edible. Not the best but also not the worst.

We also partook in the Chicken Balti Ghorkali. This is a spicy curry, fried with onions, chillis and peppers.



One of the younger members of congress decided to have the chicken nugs as, quoted, “I want to test their ability to provide nutrition to a wide verity of clientele”. He ate these with a liquified tomato relish and also consumed a large amount of naan as well.

To keep the food heated, small fires were provided. We didn’t really utilize these but they made excellent distractions to the younger members of congress. Personally not a big fan of these table decorations or gimmicks, these were the trend in the 90’s and is something that needs to be let go. It takes up valuable table space, several times we had to reach for a napkin that had worked it’s way under and into the flames. When you have a meal which consists of a curry bowl, rice plate, naan plate and your dinner plate (plus drinks and cutlery) then you need to be thinking about the table real estate.

Overall, the meal was nice and provided an excellent first meet up of the congress since the world ended in March 2020.

We left with some sweeties which made the younger congress members happy and quiet while awaiting for the bill to arrive and a message from God himself.